About Me…

I never know where to start…
I am an artist, an aspiring author and Reiki Master.
I read Tarot cards, Native American medicine cards, angel cars and Runes.
I play the drum, piano, Native American flute and am Learning the guitar. I love music, I have several other instruments on my list to learn too!
I am recently engaged to the most wonderful man and we are to get married October 31st 2009! a Samhain/Halloween wedding/handfasting! and yes we are both Pagan. I am overjoyed that Obama won, I am not and never will be a fan of the republican party.
I love to have fun, my favorite past time is laughing! I believe in honesty as the best policy. If you cant handle the truth then dont ask me! I could never understand why people couldnt be honest with each other…its such an easy thing to do! I love love love, period. I do not believe in hate or doing harm unto others. I love my friends, family and neighbors. I love nature…I LOVE to go camping in the autumn and spring. its no fun when its too hot out, a nice campfire on a cool night is the best time.
I do not have children yet but I am looking forward to it! I have waited a long time to find the right person to marry and start a family with, I am so happy and so excited! everything in my life has finally come together…it only took 30 years! hahaha
So here is my new blog I hope you enjoy it!

Jack Kerouac, you are missed and loved…we need you

I fell in love with a ghost about 10 years ago now and though I am happily married I can honestly say Jack Kerouac will forever have a piece of my heart. His words forever changed my life and though I never had the honor of knowing him in person I feel as if I knew his heart and his sorrow and reading his books was like stepping through a portal to his soul.
I wonder if anyone else could possibly know him the way I do from reading his words and sharing his life in the pages of his books…

I dreamed of him last night, he came to visit me and told me he would not be leaving me anytime soon…
I feel his spirit is with me, I have felt it with me for years.
My life changed when a good friend of mine introduced me to his work, the first book I ever ready was actually by Ann Charters…her biography of Jack and it moved me to tears, I was instantly and totally in love with him.

I miss him sorely and his way of life, the closest Ive ever been to him besides in reading his books was when I visited his bones laying in a casket far under ground whilst on my honeymoon with my dear sweet husband.
The feeling of the town, Lowell, was overwhelmingly lonely and I just felt the need to get away…somehow I felt the way he felt the many times he fled from home to go on the road.
Being so far from him in life as he in death and being so close to him as my bones stood next to his laying brought me to a new level of appreciation for the words in his books, for his heart and for his searching soul.

In life my heart is split in two, half of which belongs to my husband alive and loving and the best man I could have asked for to love me…in death belongs the other half to a ghost who lives on forever in his books and whom I may not have known in life but through his words has stolen my heart and inspires me to keep writing and to keep loving and living.

Jack Kerouac, you may be buried but you live on in our hearts…our souls are one

My gifts are many…for I am Blessed

I dont even know where to start really…I suppose my family and friends is a good place. I feel proud and loved of and by my family and friends. I am a lucky person and have much to be thankful for. I used to feel like I was on a path to no where…now I know it was all leading here and later to there.

Aside from the people in my life I have been blessed with the gift of creativity…first and foremost I am a writer, it is my passion though I have sadly put it on the backburner for far too long. A little hobby of mine that I used to meditate and express myself has turned into something quite different and has taken all of my artistic energy of late.

I have been drawing as long as i can remember and coloring in strange and cool patterns as long…I finally caught on and learned that I could actually draw well by the time I was in junior high. Previous to that I traced everything and doodled here and there…the tracing and doodling fnally manifested into my being able to draw what i could see…as long as it isnt 3d lol…i can draw cartoons and characters and pictures…but i can not yet do portraits and realistic art.

I always wanted to try painting but was always too intimidated…finally one day a few years ago i went and bought some large cardboard sheets for drawing and a few paints and gave it a whirl. I wasnt sure how i felt about it but i was definitley having fun trying something new and working with color, as my drawing was always done in pencil.

I worked in a high traffic insurance office by myself at that time and had a lot of wall space so i began bringing the paintings to work with me and hanging them up…people started commented on them and soon there were people stopping in just to see if i had hung anything new! and can you believe that is where i sold my first painting!

Selling that piece (which was my own favorite) gave me the confidence i needed in myself to continue painting and to turn it into more than a hobby. I am now showing my art in city advertised shows and have them hanging in a local shop where I have sold nearly a dozen.

In this time a lot of other things in my life have happened…a lot of dreams came true..infact nearly every dream i wanted in life has come true and sometimes I have to  wonder if its all real…if I am really not in a coma somewhere dreaming all of this

I stopped writing when I started getting noticed for my art but alas it has to end. My stories are calling to me and i cant do both at the same time, i need to devote all of myself to one art form a a time and the characters that were gifted to me in a dream long ago are begging me to come back to them.

I know I was given the gift of art, creativity and vivid dreams and memory for a reason…and i think it is to write the books that will make people happy. I am once again inspired by author Stephanie Meyers of “Twilight” i wrote a blog about it already but I find that we have so much in common, her and I. Her story was from a dream and she loved it so she had to write it down to se what would happen next,,,,,Those were my words exactley when I had my own dream…well “dreams” I have a few differnet books started but left unfinished.

Falling in love with her book and hearing her own story made me feel as if I had been given this gift and spit on it, how unworthy I am to have been given this passion and skill and not use it? When I saw her talking about the book and making of the movie it made me fel guilty to not have finished my won characters who are always in the back of my mind waitng for me ..locked up in my brain when the yern to live on the page.

So, after my art show this april 26th I will be hanging up the paint brush and picking back up my pen. Unless ofcourse someone shows up to my show and wishes to make me famous overnight lol I will leave the art for later and go back to my beloved characters hoping to bring them to life for al to read in the near future.

So stop by Goddess Blessed sunday april 26th 4pm-7pm for my first and last art show until my first book in completed!

update to the “review”

Well I wrote my letter and went to the Boss. I asked him to keep the conversation between the 2 of us and expressed my concerns. It went along swimingly!

He saw and understood and agreed with my points and assured me this review was merely feedback that 1 supervisor and would have no bearing on my future endeavors with the company. He is really a great boss and I will be glad to be promoted someday and work more closely with him.

See, never back down, never think you cant be heard by those that matter and never think someone elses answer is the end of it all. You can always go beyond, you can always find a way to be heard and recognized if only you believe in yourself enough.

I walked out of there with a grin on my face and a little lighter in my footsteps happy once again.

My first performance review at work.

So I was excited to get my first review right? I thought , this should be good, I have been doing so well! WHat do you think happened??? well the only negative thing on my reivew was about me doing something that I DID NOT EVEN DO!!!!! Instead of asking me about it I get to see it on my permanent review? WTF?!

I came home and wrote the following response which I am going to turn in tomorrow and if I must I will go to the top to get this resolved.

I have been thinking about the review and about our discussion on the 2/2/09 incident. I am not comfortable with you leaving it on MY reivew that I made the error in routing that day. I would absolutley accept responsibility if I had anything to do with it but I did not. Just because I stepped in at the end of the per2 routing to help a team member out when he went to the class does not make me responsible for something that he did or did not do an hour before I even stepped in.

It is difficult to explain the routing process to someone who has not learned it themself. If someone who has experience in routing could sit down and look at the facts they would see that it was no fault of my own and instead the fault or mistake of  Someone else.

I am the last person to point fingers, I dislike placing blame. In this case however, I came in after the problem or mistake occured and am being put to blame with the people or person who actually made the error.

 

I do not think it is fair of a supervisor to ask me to accept a performance review in my permanent file that has incorrect information on it, especially if I want to move up in the company, which I do. I in no way want this incident associated with me when I apply for a supervisor position and I believe that these reviews are looked at for such occasions as are they reviewed in times of raises.

 

The day in question I was not routing. He had to leave for a respect class at approx 10:30am. I asked him 3 times if everything was completed up to the per2 work. He said yes, then I specifically and jokingly said to him, are you sure (the 3rd time) because I do not want to be balmed for something you messed up. He laughed and said everything was done.

 

The checklist was not filled in under the produce billing area but when I opened up the per2 file in Orders it showed me that the produce had infact been downloaded and was separated, he just did not fill in the checklist.

When he came back from class I gave him back the checklist and paperwork and I initialed the areas I worked on. I can not be held responsible for him not filling in the checklist when i gave it back to him.

I also do not think it is fair to assume that I would fill it in for him with my own initials since I did not do that part of the work. How was I to know he did not fill in the checklist after I gave it to him? I had left for the day.

 

As far as I knew when I left the work was done and we had no issues. I come in the next morning and find out what happened. I explained in detail to one of the supervisors since she was the first supervisor to talk to me and I assumed she passed along the information but I assumed wrong by the look of my review.

 

Ofcourse if I noticed there was no produce work I would have fixed the problem, but there was produce work and proof of that is the per2 file. What happened was he separated the per2 produce from the rest and either deleted the rest of the produce or put it in an incorrect file. I never looked for the other file since I had nothing to do with the other file nor did I need to since I had already seen the produce work in the file I was working on.

 

This, once again would have been done atleast an hour before I took over. I was there until 2pm and he was there until 3pm…the next router comes in at noon and begins routing at 1pm. She had plenty of time to look into the orders area and notice there was a problem so that we could have fixed it but that did not happen.

 

Once again I am not trying to place blame but I am trying to make it understood that I had nothing to do with this mistake in routing and I do not believe it is fair for it to be on my review.

 

I think we need to have all concerned parties in the same room to discuss this if someone is not in agreement with me.

 

I appreciate your time and concern in this matter.

 

 

So that is my letter, I stated the facts. I even showed the supervior on paper how it couldnt have happened and he still said he wasnt removing it from my review. Is that fair? sure life isnt fair, but this is just plain wrong and I demand resolution. I plan to work for this company for a long time and I plan to move up…I do not want as much as a speckle in my permanent file when that times comes. I work very hard to make sure I do the right thing and I’ll be damned if someone else will come in and mess up the work I have done to get this far and me just sit by and take it.

Twilight…The End.

ahhhhh so sad is the heart that falls in love with a story, so sad is the soul of the reader who becomes part of the story…so desperate is the person who yearns for the story to come to life only to read the bittersweet words, The end.

I never thought I would be interested in this story, my fiance’s daughter has been reading the saga for the last year and when I learned it was a “teenage Vampire love story” I thought it wasnt for me so I dismissed it. Still when the movie came out and millions went to see it I was not convinced. When my best friend started reading the saga I still had no interest, I blew it off….smugly.

I should have known better, as a lover of Vampire stories I should have not downgraded it because the characters were teens…afterall I fell in love with Harry Potter when I gave it a chance didnt I?

My best friend wanted to see the movie and wasnt able to go because her husband had other plans so I decided to go with her, not out of interest for the movie really but because I missed spending time with my friend and wanted to do something that I knew would make her happy.

To my complete surprise I fell in love with the story! That very night I went home and borrowed my fiance’s daughters Twilight book and started reading it. The next day I went out and bought all 4 books.  I finished book 2 in 1 day and book 3 in 3 days…I started slowing down because I realised the story was coming to an end too quickley… I pushed book 4 to 4 days. I could wait no more, and as I knew it would happen tears filled my eyes when I read the words that came too soon, The end.

I felt like a part of me was awaken that had lay dorment for some years, It also made me realise that which is most important to me has been neglected far too long. This story is about more than Vampires, werewolves, lust and seduction…it is about family and loyalty and bonds that stay strong when needed most. Its about being true to yourself, to your inner most desires and not forgetting those you love along the way. Its about chasing your dreams and catching them, making your life exactley what you want it to be and not letting anyting get in your way. Its about self discovery and seeing yourself through the eyes of others..its about beauty seen and unseen. I love this story and I applaud the author.

I, like most girls, can see myself in Bella. I could relate to her as if the author were writing from my own diary. I admit that a part of me has always wished the world of Vampires were real…there is something so inviting and so familiar about it all. I have always been interested in the entire Vampire mythos. A part of me will always wonder if there is indeed any truth to the legends and stories, whether because of some morbid imaginary fantasy or because the stories seem to come from a dream I will always hold onto that curiosity.  Perhaps just the thirst of a healthy writers mind

I  have been writing for years, but never finishing. This story for some reason made me realise that the time is now and I must grasp it while I can. I must finish what I started so long ago, something I love so dealry and something that was born in me to do.

Thank you for this Stephanie Meyer if ever you find your way to my blog, thank you for your beautiful mind and your inspiring words which were much more than a beloved novel to me.

beware..sneaky Mary Kay makeup reps!!!

This all begins at David’s Bridal, I walk in with my mom and best friend to try on some dresses and they tell me I must “register” ok fine I fill out the post card and they say I have to write my phone down…something I am normally opposed to doing. I ask why? they say its so they can call me if my dress goes on sale or to schedule fittings etc… ok I caved. Mistake!

I get a call a week or 2 later from a woman claiming my name was drawn and I had won a complimentary “pampering night” I asked how? she said when I registered at DB I was put in a drawing etc… me and my bridal party and mom were invited to partake in a night of pampering. She said she’d have girls there to give us facials and do our makeup and show us virtual hairstyles… I asked again, no strings? she said just bring yourself and a smile!

Ok so I got excited thinking I had actually won something for once, we all show up at the hotel she told us to meet her at and we walk into a room with long tables and nothing like I had imagined. There was a little piece of cardboard with a mirror on it and droplets of lotions, scrubs and lip gloss.

To my horror I discovered I had been scammed into attending a Mary Kay presentation! we even had to do our own makeup, there was no pampering just a shoddy represention of thier crap and then they tried to sell it to us. I should have known better, my mom told me so.

How can they get away with this, how can they use DB’s name lke this and lie to get people in a room to try and but thier shit? If they think they have heard the last from me they are sadly mistaken. I will be taking this up with davids bridal first and then MaryKay crap makeup next.

How dare they?!! someone is going to pay for my embarrasment, for dragging my loved ones into thier lies, for tricking me into bringing my friends and family to something I would have never dreamed of doing if they had told me the truth. I had people driving 30-40 minutes from thier homes in the cld for this and it was a complete and total MISREPRESENTATION!

Heads will roll.

updates to follow.

Twilight, inspiration renewed…

I can be so addicted to a good story, it draws me in and twists my insides…My heart beats faster and my body yearns to walk into the pages…a good story can make you close your eyes and transport you to a time when you know you would have been the heroin, you would have been swept off of your feet,you would have saved the day with one kiss. A good book can change your life, it can change you entire outlook on life and this world as you know it. It happened to me, over and over again. It happens to me everytime I turn a page, my heart flips, I busrt out with laughter, I shed a tear… I wil save the world with a story that transports us all back to when we knew we had the power to change the world

My inspiration comes from those who have to courage to sit down and pour thier hearts and souls into something so wonderful that people all over the world fall in love with it…something so beautiful coming from the mind of a stranger we will probably never know.

Where do these words come from you may wonder…

I am almost finished reading the 4th book in the Twilight series by Stephanie Meyers and it moves me to a point that tears stream down my face because I know the depth to which she goes to write these pages. I know the struggle to create haracters, to put them through trials and tribulations and the pain to put it all down, the end of it all.

No one ever wants to see it end, we all want to live in the world of the story as long as we can. No one wants to read the last page and look up to see that the world they were in has gone forever. The love they felt, the anxiety and fear and joy of knowing the characters is over…reality is a bitter pill to take after reading something so beautiful.

I am inspired to continue my writing whenever I read something so magnificent as Twilight, thank you Stephanie Meyers.

Wherever you may be…

my letter to Pat Catans…I sent it I hope they read it!

My Mother, the wonderful mother that she is felt the urge to go to Pat Catans today while I was at work. When she was there they announced they were having a “grab bag” special in the Fall/Haloween Isles. Basically they give you a shopping bag and you fil it up with everything you can for ….drumroll please…… $10 !!!
She filled up 2 of these bags with tons of stuff and called me, i left work at 5 and they close at 6 so I rushed over there and filled up 5 bags worth of decorations for our wedding … I spent $50 and saved hundreds!

I am getting married next year ON halloween. It has always been a dream of mine to do this and have a cotume party for the reception so halloween decorations are perfect. We do not however have a lot of money so I worried that we wouldnt be able to get everything I needed to get the affect I have dreamed about for so many years.

I would just like to say thank you to Pat Catans for making one of my wedding wishes come true. I know that the reception and ceremony are going to be perfect and beautiful and fun! The Hall is going t look marvelous!!! I cant hardly wait!!! I wish I could decorate it now! I was nearly in tears when I left the store because of how happy I was, I will be telling Everyone I meet about how Pat Catans made a wedding miracle happen for me.

Many Many Thanks to Pat catans for making someones wishes come true in a way they could never have imagined!

 I have always been a loyal shopper there  since I am an artist I buy all of my supplies there but if anything could have sealed a lifetime membership this did.

I cant say thank you enough, now if only the rest of the wedding planning will go as smoothly then it will be a true fairytale wedding.

Ask & you shall receive! My wedding news!!!

The Goddess works her magic fast! I still cannot believe the luck that has befallen me!!! I am so grateful and so excited and happy… you should see the smile that has been on my face for the last 4 hours! It just wont seem to go away!!!

My Mommy, the wonderful mommy that she is felt the urge to go to Pat Catans today while I was at work. When she was there they announce they were having a “grab bag” special in the Fall/Haloween Isles. Basically they give you the largest size shopping bag they have (which is huge) and you fil it up with everything you can for ….drumroll please…… $10 !!! She filled up thes garbage bag size bags with tons of stuff and called me, i left work at 5 and they close at 6 so I hauled ass over there and filled up 5 bags worth of decorations for our wedding … I spent $50 and save about $600-$1000 !!!!

I would just like to say thank you to Pat Catans for making one of my wedding wishes come true. I know that thie reception and ceremony are going to be perfect and beautiful and fun! The Hall is going t look marvelous!!! I cant hardly wait!!! I wish I could decorate it now!

Thanks to my mommy for hearing the call of the Goddess and to Pat catans for making someones wishes come true in a way they could never have imagined!

Oh, ofcourse I will be writing them a letter letting them know how much it meant to me and how happy I am. I have always been a loyal shopper there  for my art supplies but if anything could have sealed a lifetime membership this did!

I love my life!

Blessed Be!!!

pictures of love…